there's a world out there that we should see...

Today, I feel very inspired to create. I read a few articles on Relevant Magazine online and they uplifted me and inspired me. See, I’m an ENFP, by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Personality Test. And I feel like I am a textbook example of an ENFP  - someone who is creative, spontaneous, loves people, affectionate, and loves to help people. But also, I have those textbook ENFP problems: gets bored very easily, has trouble completing tasks, etc. I am dedicated to learning photography and practicing the craft. It’s hard when I’m teaching myself, though. I am both the teacher and the student. And those two roles conflict. I always second-guess myself when it comes to doing a photo shoot or shooting random pictures of things that I like or trying out new techniques. But it’s a part of learning. I learned today (though I already knew this) that it’s okay to fail. That I’m going to fail. But that doesn’t matter. Getting back up and trying again is what matters. I learned that I need to take everything that I’m dreaming and put it into action. Dreaming is not for tomorrow or the future, but for today. If you don’t prepare now, then you’re wasting time. And I’m sick of wasting time. I know what I want to do. Now, I just need to see it through. One step at a time. One step at a time. That’s the key. I get overwhelmed very easily and when that happens, I get discouraged and want to give up. I just need to go one step at a time. Reading my photography book. Practicing skills with photo shoots of my family and friends. I’ll get there. I won’t be perfect right off the bat, but with practice, I will get there. I found this website today: Kingdom Dreams. It’s a website that lets you record your dreams, then connects you with people, organizations, and events that help you see your dream to fruition. I just signed up for it today, so we’ll see where it takes me. Hopeful. Inspired.

In less than a fortnight, one of my closest friends will be leaving. She is embarking on an awesome opportunity to travel and work. She’s also relocating to the other side of the country. It wouldn’t be so bad if we lived in England - then it would just be a matter of hours until we saw each other instead of a matter of days or expensive flights. Sigh. I’m happy for her. I really am. I know that God has her where He wants her and she’s doing something that she’s wanted to do for a while. She’d been so unsettled for so long…it’s great to finally see her settled…and doing something that she enjoys. I am a bit jealous. I’d love to be able to see the country like she will. Selfishly, I would keep her here. I’ve been avoiding this for a long time, knowing it would come and smack me in the face. I am going to miss her a lot. She’s more than a friend. She’s a kindred. A soul sister. Our friendship has stood the test of time, impatience, miscommunication, anger, and anything else you can throw at a friendship. Once she moves, I’m afraid that I’ll have no one. No one that close who can relate on so many levels with me. I mean, I have my husband, of course. But he is by no means a girl friend, obviously. I have my other friends, who I am not as close with and that is evident on several levels. I hate feeling left out. I hate wondering why I wasn’t called to hang out with the group of girls. I think I’ve reached that critical point that I was dreading. That point where my single friends don’t think I’m cool enough to hang out with them anymore because I’m married. It’s kinda sad. And by kinda, I mean really. It’s really hard to communicate, “Hey, I’m still cool to hang out with! Come hang with me!” It’s hard to say, “I need a girls’ night” and get no response back from a fellow girlfriend. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s me mourning the fact that I’ve never been a part of a “group” for more than a few years. Maybe my social butterfly quality has doomed me to social outcast status. C’est la vie. People move on. People move away. Friends drift away.

Terribly homesick.

I’m reading it right now. The first of at least five books that I plan on reading this year. I love reading way too much for me to not read more. I cannot put it down, surprisingly. When I bought it, I chose it because it’s a classic and it’s written / set during one of my favourite time periods in history - the Victorian Era. And the writing - there’s something exquisite about the literary prowess of Victorian authors. The way that they write paint pictures of scenery in my imagination. I can hear the birds chirping, see the green rolling hills, and feel the characters’ emotions. The suspenseful moments, I can hear the shallow breathing in response to fear. The sweet moments, I can see the smiles and feel the joy. I read the classics because I feel like such literary prowess is hard to find in modern literature. I may be wrong. I’m probably wrong, but I love me some classics. I love getting lost in a different time period, in characters that are unlike me, and in places that I’ve never known. I was going to post an excerpt from Dracula in this post, but I couldn’t decide on one! Typical. Here are the other books that I plan on reading this year:  - Bossypants - Tina Fey (I watched 30 Rock from start to current on Netflix and I love Tina Fey. I feel like I can learn a lot from her. And this autobiography is probably hilarious.)  - The Millenium Series (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played With Fire, & The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) by Stieg Larsson. I want to see the new movie out…and I just think it’d be a sweet series to read. Go out there and read, kids. Let your imagination run free.

…I’m really going to have to carve out some time to do / learn photography. Boo.